Silence of the Night
by IsabelleMalfoyPotterSnape
Summary: Voldemort is dead. Life is back to normal in the wizarding world for all except one boy. Harry can't eat, can't sleep and finds his only happiness in the night, can our favorite potions master find away to help Harry?
1. Default Chapter

Title: Silence of the Night Author: Isabelle Malfoy Potter Snape/ Draco's Love Angel Category: Romance/ Adventure Rating: Pg-13 (probably mild language) Summary: Voldemort is dead. Life is back to normal in the wizarding world for all except one boy. Harry can't eat, can't sleep and finds his only happiness in the night, can our favorite potions master find away to help Harry? Authors Notes: This is a story that I think you will enjoy. Feel free to be brutally honest with me! All suggestions you have are welcome  
  
Chapter One: Where Do I Go From Here?  
  
I know I should be happy that Voldemort is gone, that there's no longer a mad man trying to take my life at every opportunity, but I'm not. Why? Because all the people who are dead still haunt my dreams and these demons I can not put to rest. I killed him on my own turf in muggle London. Voldemort has always been my cross to bear and so I decided two weeks before he died I would run away and keep him from all those whom I love so much. I refused to have hurt anyone else because of me. So sixteen and alone I wondered around the slums of London, putting myself out in the open waiting for him to come and he did.  
  
He told me that it was just us now, he would not allow his deatheaters to do what they wanted to do for him. I remember him saying "No this boy is mine. Potter you have been lucky enough to escape for the past sixteen years but no more. Tonight we finish this once and for all." Very well, I said if you want me come to a place called shire. And then using a portkey I asked Dumbledore to make for me, I went to this barren land where no could get hurt and waited for him. About three minutes later he appeared with his deatheater minions.  
  
I knew that this was it that he would die and that possibly I would die. I have never feared death and even wanted then as I do now. We took fighting stances and it began. First simple spells like Rictusempra and then moved on to bigger ones like Crucio. Eventually we grew tired of the games we were playing and the final round began. Bloody, tired, and wanting nothing more to sleep forever I raised my arm and said "Avada Kedavra!" Into these words I poured my hate, pain, sorrow, anger, and joy. There was a flash of green and then he fell to the ground dead as a doorknob.  
  
That's when I realized I wasn't alone. Snape, Dumbledore, McGonagall, Sirius, Remus, Hermione, Ron, and Draco all stood behind me ready to say the spell in case when I said the two words it did not work. They quickly stunned the deatheaters and then all turned to me. I gave them a smile, something that is rare now for me, and then we went to Hogwarts. For days I sat in the Astronomy Tower just thinking about my life, his life, all those dead, and the wizarding world in general.  
  
Of course Fudge being the idiot that he made me do an interview with a reporter from the daily prophet. I don't think he gets that I just want to be left alone. No one does, they all come and congratulate me and thank me, but they don't get it.  
  
No one does except *him* He gets that sometime being alone is better than being with others. He understands the sacrifices I made to do what I did, he understands that I hurt and I want to die. He understands that I have no idea where to go now. The wizarding world does not need me anymore, so what do I do? Quidditch is something that I can't so for the rest of my life, I don't want to be an auror, I've had enough of that to last me a life time.  
  
So what do I do? How do I continue to live? I have no idea and there is the problem. I wish the others could help me but I know they can't, they don't understand. Not even Dumbledore understands. I have nightmare about all of them who died, Colin, Pansy (who turned out to be a spy like Draco), and many others. Over hundred deaths on my head, most of them innocent muggles who had no idea why they were dying. They haunt me asking me why I didn't defeat him earlier. The accuse me and I try to explain that I'm sorry and that I did my best but I know that they are right. That I should have stayed the day he got his body and fought to the end, but I was a coward and because of it, many innocent people have paid the price.  
  
I don't understand how they can praise a murderer because in the end that's what I am, a coward and a murderer. I don't think this feeling of emptiness will ever leave me. I'm sixteen, had more run ins with death in my sixteen years then most people have in their life, defeated a dark lord, and all I want to do is die. But *he* refuses to let me. We talk but lately I haven't had the energy to do much of anything. I hate whenever we have to eat because I have to face the world once again and it hurts.  
  
I just wish that I could stay in this tower forever by myself. Not eat, not sleep but stay here in this beautiful tranquil place where no one can haunt me or make me feel like the murderer I am. I wish I could stay here frozen, numb in the silence of the night.  
  
Authors End Notes: Hope you guys enjoyed this chapter! Please review! 


	2. Watching You

Chapter Two: Watching You  
  
I watch him, making sure that he doesn't try to kill himself like I know he wants to. I know he thinks he doesn't have a reason to live but he is mistaken. For my love for this boy, no man astonishes even me sometimes. Of course he does not know of that, that I watch him, silently, hoping, praying that he'll realize that he needs to live,that his friends aren't the only ones who need him alive. That he still has so much to do in this life. Hoping he understands that I need him alive, that I need him to live in order for me not to go insane. For I love him.  
  
I don't remember when this love started, probably around the time the Order was made to defeat Voldemort. I use to watch him at meetings. He never paid attention for his mind was probably on his nightmares about another innocent person dying. And our friendship? That began after the Order had been together for two months. He came down to the dungeons one night to ask for a dreamless sleep potion. I refused to give him one until he told me why he needed one so badly. I told him he looked fine and looked like he had a wonderful sleep every night. Harry then took off the concealment spell on himself and I nearly started to cry.  
  
Pale skin, ribs I could count and touch met my gaze. He was so pale, so tired looking, and weak. I demanded to know if he had been eating, of course he said no, most defiantly. I marched him straight up to Poppy and he stayed in the hospital for two weeks. He of course was totally pissed off at me but I didn't mind. I think that's when I realized that if something really were to happen to him, I'd be beside myself with worry. That it wasn't only in his interest that I protect him but also in mine.  
  
I remember after the final battle he stayed in the tower for two months never leaving for any reason. After two days Albus magiced a bathroom toilet, a bed, and his clothes up in the tower. We all knew that he wasn't coming down, that, the tower had become his other home, second to the dudgeons where he visited me basically every night.  
  
Dumbledore and all his friends took turns spending time with him. They never abandon them, which shows true loyalty ( such Grffyindors!) since he says that murders don't deserve to have friends. He believes that he doesn't deserve anyone although we all know he would probably die if we had not been there after the defeat of Voldemort. I know it sounds self- absorbed but it's true. Harry has always been alone and the need to feel love is finally showing after sixteen of knowing only loneliness.  
  
I don't blame him for being withdrawn. After living sixteen years of hell and everyone always praising you, wouldn't you want to be left alone with your thoughts? To be just by yourself and try to piece back parts of your life that have been broken for so long. Wouldn't want to spend time alone grieving over all the innocent lives lost and thinking of where to go from here.  
  
Harry hasn't a clue what to do now that his job to the wizarding world is over. I can see the lost looks and loneliness he tries to hide from Granger and Weasley whenever he makes an appearance at the Great Hall. He needs direction or something. Something to let him know that he should continue living life to the fullest, no matter what it is.  
  
I think he's happy with the fact though that his godfather has been cleared of all charges and that the traitor that betrayed his parents is in Azkaban. I know that that news has brought some sunshine to his dreary existence, but he's still lost. He's always been lost, burdened with a task that he should have never been given to him. I wonder what he's thinking about as I watch him from the shadows.  
  
He's stopped coming to the dungeons for our nightly talks and I know that's because he's beginning to deteriorate in soul, body, and mind. He's going back to the state he was in when he stayed in the hospital wing for two weeks but I refuse to allow that to happen again. He doesn't know that I watch him in the Astronomy Tower wandering what he is thinking. Wondering how I'm supposed to help him this time. Last time I knew what the problem was from him and I could help him. This time all I have are little clues and hints from Dumbledore and his friends. And also hints from our talks we had before he became completely withdrawn. They seem to me to show that he was and is contemplating suicide.  
  
This, of course is not a good thing and I know I have to do something but what? I am enough of a reason to live? I highly doubt so but if I'm what Harry needs to survive who am I to deny my love? I watch him glance out the window for the 20th time in two minutes and know that I have to go to him tonight, because if I don't I know he'll try something. I know his resistance level is all but on zero. But I can't help but wonder if I'll be able to help him this time. I hope so because many lives, including mine depend on his will to live.  
  
End Notes: I know this was short to, but Next chapter will be Harry's P.O.V. again and then some talking! Hoped you guys enjoyed!!!! Have a happy day off all you kids on the East Coast with a snow day (including me!!!!) Please review!!!!  
  
Izzy* ^_^ 


	3. Saying Something to Harry

Chapter Three: Saying Something to Harry  
  
I hate this! I cant' do this anymore. I can't stay in this tower but I can't go back out into the world. What world needs or deserves another murder wandering the streets? I haven't visited *him* in so long. The others don't come anymore either, I've asked them, not too. But in order for them to leave me alone I must make an appearance at least twice a week. So when I come down for dinner I try my best not do be depressed or anything so they won't worry.  
  
I know he watched me everyday. He hides in the shadows and watches me, looking at me to see if it's time for him to try and stop me from murdering myself. He's coming tonight, I know he is. He'll try to talk me out of killing myself and I most likely will wait another day to do it. I'll listen to him because I love him. I know he probably doesn't love me, but we are friends.  
  
We became friends during the time when the Order was first formed. He put me in the hospital after I asked for a dreamless sleep potion. I was so furious that he had taken me to Poppy after taking off my concealing charm but now I'm glad he did. If he had not then I would have never have become friends with him or fall in love with him.  
  
*He's* basically the only reason why I'm alive right now. The only reason I'm hanging on. If I died, it wouldn't be that bad. 'Mione and Ron have each other. Sirius and Remy have each other, no one would really miss me, but then I look at him and there's apart of me that wants to live. It wants to live another day to see *him.* And so I do, I survive another day and wait for him to come to watch me from the shadows.  
  
I guess that he's my reason to live, and as soon as he is taken away from me I will die, but until that day comes I will continue to survive, only the day that he says he loves me will I begin to live again. Only then will I have the strength with his help, to begin to face my demons, and come out of this tower. Only then will this numbness leave me and I'll begin to understand where I go from here.  
  
As I look outside the window I guess it is about seven o'clock at night. He'll probably come to talk to me around ten, so only three more hours of loneliness, I can do that after all I've done it for sixteen years, so what's three more hours? A lifetime?  
  
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There is a fire going, and light in Harry's room as I look around to see what he has done. He's reading and as soon as I enter the room, he puts down the book he is reading and says "Hello Sev., I've been expecting you." He gestures for me to sit and I do, wondering how the hell he knew I was coming.  
  
"You know, if your going to check up on me the you should probably do it in a less obvious place." I gawk at him. He smiles and continues "He you don't go through the experiences, that I have without having acquired some skills, that you'll keep for the rest of your life." I shake my head before saying "Then you know why I'm here?" Harry gives me a sad smile before nodding. "Yeah, and you don't have to worry. I'm not going to do myself in." and even though he doesn't say it I can here they yet hanging in the air.  
  
"I've missed our talks Mr. Potter, care to explain why you haven't come to the dungeons in a while?" He shrugs his shoulders before standing up and beginning to pace. "No reason, I've just had a lot on my mind lately." He shakes his head and goes over to the window ledge. I get up and follow, when he turns around to look at me though I see tears in his eyes. "Harry." I start to say but he cuts me off. "I'm trying Sev, I really am but I don't know what to do anymore. There are times when I just want to jump off this tower and end all this pain, and other times I just want go to the person I'm in love with and kiss them senseless."  
  
My heart contracts at the thought of Harry loving another but now is not the time for selfish thoughts. "Who do you love Harry? I'm sure that that person loves you very much." He shakes his head and said "No, he probably doesn't. He's very special and beautiful, and the only reason I'm alive. He always has made me fell wanted, and loved and for that alone I love him. He's amazing and he's you."  
  
End Notes: Okay, TADA! Should I continue? Please review!!! Loves, Izzy* ^_^ 


	4. I Love You Is Enough

Silence of the Night

Authors Notes: Hey you guys! It's been two years! Oh my goodness! I am soooo sorry, see I lost the password for this account. But here it is the last chapter! And remember all suggestions welcome and tell me if you want a sequel.

Chapter Four: I Love You Is Enough

My heart stopped at the words love, amazing, and you. Had Harry Potter just said that he loved me? Maybe this was some sad sadistic dream that I would wake up from later, I pray that it isn't and just stared in awe at the man I love more than anything. Harry Potter loves me? That thought leaves me breathless and if I know that if I had been standing during that confession minutes ago I know I would have sagged to the ground in shock. I stand as Harry does; trying to wrap my mind around the fact that he LOVES me.

"Harry…" I whisper, in wonder, still trying to comprehend what is happening. He turns and looks at me for a moment before asking a question that sends chills up and down my spine and turns my blood cold. "How many feet do you think it is to the ground?" My eyes widen and then narrow as I say "About sixty, why?" My eyes narrow even more as he takes a deep breath and asks "And if someone fell from here do you think they would survive?"

My eyes widened again as I get his hidden message. "No they would most likely not survive the fall. And don't you even think about it Potter." He begins to tremble and I slowly walk up to him and wrap my arms around him. Clutching him tightly I press my face into his hair, he smells like magnolia. I shake my head as my hand comes to cup his cheek. So fragile, so delicate, and mine, finally all mine.

"You will not leave me alone." I whisper fiercely into his ear, "You just said that you loved me, do you mean it?" Harry nods and turns his face into my chest as he begins to tremble. He mumbles quietly, "I meant it, I love you Severus." I smile gently and bring his face to mine saying "And I love you, you have a reason to live Harry so do. If you ever kill yourself I'll follow you only to bring you back to me, you are mine now Potter and I will not let you go, do you understand?" Harry merely nods as he begins to cry on my chest.

I know why he's crying, he feels so alone. He's never truly had some one to love or cherish him. I feel tears begin to pool in my eyes as well but I push them back. I know how he feels, and it hurts more than any curse ever could. Every human has a need to be loved by another unconditionally. Harry and I have never had that until now. I pick him up and place him on his bed. Taking a notebook I transfigure it into a pillow, there's no way that I'm leaving him alone tonight. Sitting on it I place my head next to his and just breath in his unique scent of magnolia and spice. I kiss him gently on his forehead before drifting off to sleep knowing that it's not going to be easy to help Harry with his depression but knowing also that I will never give up on him, or us.

I wake up feeling content, looking across I see Severus's face and my heart leaps with joy as I realize that last night wasn't a dream. I really did tell him I loved and he really said he loved me too. Looking at him again I frown as I realize that position he's in can't be too comfortable. He's sitting on a pillow, body twisted toward the bed, and his head resting on one of his hands while the other is near my head.

Merlin he's beautiful and I can't help myself, I slowly brush some hair out of his face. I sigh as I begin to think about what our confession means. It means I have someone who loves me for me, but I know Sev and he's going to try to bring me back to the world and I don't know if I'm ready for that. I feel so safe here, going out there again will make me vulnerable, and I don't ever want to feel that way again, ever.

How can he expect me to go out there? They used me, I'm broken piece of glass, and normally I wouldn't think I could be fixed, but I live in a magical world where anything is possible. He's already got all the pieces can he really put me back together? Part of me, the part that wants to live knowing that Sev loves me screams yes, and the part that been dead since I was first hit by my aunt and uncle screams no, there's no way. It screams that there is nothing that can save me that it's been to long.

Scared at that thought I take his hand and entwine them and Sev wakes with a start. I give him a small smile and he smiles back as he glances at our fingers and I blush. "What's wrong?" Sev says observing me with eyes that take everything in, "You look sad." I sigh leave it to Sev to know just what I'm feeling even when I don't want him to. I shake my head saying "My brain is arguing with my heart about whether I can truly be whole. Right now my brain is winning." Sev frowns at this and says "Then tell your brain I said fuck off." That makes me laugh and surprisingly enough it feels good. It's also funny that my potions teacher just told an inanimate object to 'Fuck off.' It's a silly feeling I haven't felt in a long time and I revel in the feeling, sighing softly.

I feel lips press against my forehead and Sev says in a no-nonsense voice "Sleep Harry you are going to breakfast tomorrow and you need your strength." I frown and sigh knowing this was going to happen "Sev, I can't you know I can't, please..." I never finish me sentence because Sev is distracting me with kisses around my face. First my ear, then my eyes, then my neck and then finally he reaches my mouth. It's a slow kiss and he takes his time possessing me with his tongue, knowing I can deny him nothing, I let his tongue claim what is his as I sigh again happily. Then Sev stops his wonderful ministration and I look up surprised. I want more, more of him, and the love that seems to be pouring from him tonight. I stare at him in awe and he graces me with another kiss, dazed this time, I can only wait for him to say something. Which he does quietly and much to my dismay it is about facing the world.

Sev gives me the 'I'm your elder and you will listen to me' look before he says, "Harry you can't continue this way, I won't allow it any longer. As your teacher, friend, and lover I've let this go on for far too long. I love you and I refuse to lose you. I barely made it this time. I will not take chances with your life again."

I glare and he glares right back, slowly I can feel myself listening to him and my mind screams again that he is wrong, that he's too late and my mind in a last desperate attempt to stay where I know it's safe, says "Ten minutes." Sev snorts and says, "An hour." "Twenty minutes," and I give him a small smile in hopes of swaying his decision, but he's relentless. "Forty-five minutes," I frown and growl "Twenty-five." He raises an eyebrow and says "Forty." "Twenty-seven minutes." He shakes his head and smirks as if he's already won the battle. "Thirty minutes?" I ask as I grit my teeth. I open my mouth to talk but then in a split second decision I decide to try another way, I say trying to sound weak hoping to play on his love for me. "Thirty three." He doesn't fall for the bait "Thirty nine minutes." I sigh and nod suddenly feeling very exhausted.

Satisfied he says, "Thank you, I know that you don't want to be with them but you have to try. We'll stay for a half an hour and then leave. I won't lose you Harry, sleep; you need your rest love." Nodding I say weakly, "Hold me, please." Smiling gently, he climbs onto the bed and wraps his arms, which are quiet strong around me and I drift off to sleep peaceful for the first time in my entire life, wishing it could just be Sev, me, and the silent night. Half asleep I wonder vaguely if the sound of the day will ever bring me the peace, the joy, the comfort that the silence of the night holds.

End.

Authors Notes: I am so sorry it took me so long to write, I know my writing style has changed a little but did you like it? Hate it? Do you want a sequel? Please review and I am so sorry for the long wait you guys had. Loves and be safe,

Izzy

p.s. my new email is 


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